Hellvetica (2012)

HELLVETICA is a short film from the mind of writer/director Kalen Artinian. The story surrounds a struggling writer named Simon who is constantly nagged by his girlfriend to get a "real job" since his writing isn't cutting it. When the phone rings with an offer for a writing gig all seems to be going well. The problem is the gig is for a horror story and Simon doesn't know horror. As Simon tries to come up with ideas, he's seemingly plagued with the company of a self-absorbed, douchebag hipster who is always around him and obnoxious. Simon soon realizes that you have to write what you know and the only way to write horror is to know it and snaps on the hipster to get his story.

The story is a simple but done effectively. The film is directed and photographed with skill and the film has a nice look to it. The actors all deliver solid performances, though I could have done without the hokey Dexter ripoff character or the silliness of the voice on the phone. The hipster was about as unlikeable as humanly possible and it was a pleasure to see him get what he had coming. Overall this is a pretty good short film that certainly shows bigger things are possible in the future of the film makers.

42ND STREET FOREVER: BLU-RAY EDITION Review

Various Countries/Various Years
Directed By: Various
Written By: Various
Starring: Various
Color/225 Minutes/Not Rated


The Film
 The days of old New York, the seedy, grimy, dangerous New York are long gone. No longer is the biggest city in America anything other than a giant tourist attraction and essentially one big advertisement. The streets we saw  Frank Zito stalk in Bill Lustig's Maniac have been cleaned up, and you'll be more likely to encounter an overpriced dinner at a chain restaurant than a vigilante who uses a flame thrower to get even with the scum of the city such as in The Exterminator. The bright lights and marquees of the infamous 42nd Street, where only the bravest would dare catch the latest porno flick or gore drenched horror movie that was just too much for the multiplex of the suburbs, have long been dimmed and replaced with boutique shops. It was commonplace to have to fend off the advances of hookers, potential muggers and just plain crazy people to see whatever movie struck your fancy that week. Movie going will never be the same as it was in the 1960s-80s on and around 42nd Street in Manhattan.

Synapse Films was not satisfied with letting the tradition fade in to memory so in 2005 they released the first volume of the 42nd STREET FOREVER series on DVD. This was a 2+ hour compilation of trailers from the films that made the disc's namesake infamous. With everything from The Undertaker And His Pals to Centerfold Girls we were blessed with a chance to discover the previews to these movies, which was often better than the actual movie itself! Now, almost seven years and six volumes later Synapse Films has released 42nd STREET FOREVER: The Blu-Ray edition. This is a 3+ hours (closer to 4) compilation of trailers from across the series to form a best of in HD. Horror, sexploitation, blaxploitation, women in prison, sci-fi, it's all represented here for your enjoyment in the 80+ individual trailers.

The Picture
The condition of the trailers in 42nd STREET FOREVER: The Blu-Ray Edition were all over the place but Synapse Films has done a nice job of restoring them to a pleasant looking quality while not taking away from their natural film roots. They've also left all of the scratches, dirt and grain present in the trailers which only adds to what is trying to be accomplished. If you want sparkling clean trailers on this set than you're obviously missing the point and this isn't for you. If you appreciate these movies than you probably get it and will appreciate the work done. The transfer is 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen in full HD 1080p. The disc is region ABC.


The Audio
Like the video side of things, the audio is properly restored while not taking away from the gritty roots of these films. A DTS-HD 2.0 Mono track is lively and clear, without sounding like they tried to pump up things artificially. The alternate track is an audio commentary track that is crisp and clear with no noticable hissing or crackling. The audio levels are spot on for both tracks.

The Extras
The lone extra is the audio commentary track that was previously mentioned. There are 3 contributors, Edwin Samuelson (AVManiacs), Michael Gingold (Fangoria) and Chris Poggiali (Temple Of Schlock). They work well with one another and the track offers up informative insight on each trailer as they play (except for one that no one wanted to say anything about... I happen to love that film, ha!). There are laughs to be had with the track as the guys have fun and seem to start get a little delusional towards the end of the nearly 4 hour brain melting romp. If there was to be only one special feature on the disc then this was a good choice.


The Bottom Line
If you've never looked into a trailer compilation it may not seem like something that is for you. A couple hour of previews of movies, I get the trepidation. The fact is, at least with the 42nd STREET FOREVER series, is that it's so well put together that it's a blast. Whether you're brave enough to tackle the whole disc in a single sitting or you want to make a movie night awesome by playing trailers before each movie just like a theater there is tons of entertainment here. Pack the fridge full of beer and the couch full of friends and pop in a few trailers during your next movie night and I promise you it'll be great. True movie fans will appreciate the art of the trailer.

42nd STREET FOREVER: The Blu-Ray Edition is available HERE

Disc Overview
Film - 8.5/10
Picture - 8/10
Audio - 8/10
Extras - 8/10

The Dead (2010)

How much more popular could zombies be right now? They've been in film for decades but now they've taken over comic books, TV, board games and whatever else you can think of. They're being played to death (pun absolutely intended) and the quality is suffering... and has been for quite some time. Honestly I still love zombie movies, but good God does this trend need to end. It is still a good feeling when a new movie comes out that doesn't totally suck.

Military engineer Lt. Brian Murphy (Rob Freeman) survives a plane crash which happens to be the last evacuation flight out of the region of West Africa that has become overrun rather quickly with the walking dead. Murphy scavenges for supplies from dead soldiers to at least have a chance to get off of the beach he washed up on. As he escapes he runs until he comes across an abandoned village where he finds an old truck that was in the middle of being repaired. He quickly fixes it up and makes his escape, to where we don't know. As he drives he encounters more zombies and fights them off. Soon after he meets an African soldier who has left his post in order to look for his son. Murphy and Daniel decide to team up to help each other reach their goals and survive. The rest of the movie is a lot of driving around from place to place and fighting zombies until Murphy reaches his destination and finds out the severity of the situation.

THE DEAD was filmed in 2010 by Howard and Jonathan Ford on location in West Africa and partially in the Ford's home turf of the UK. The brothers put together a very competent movie with a few striking shots that truly are great. Where the duo failed was in the writing. The script is weak at best with the film playing out much more like a video game based around surviving from point A to point B with intermittent action to keep the player satisfied. A tighter script with a more defined agenda would have been able to trim the 105 minute runtime down so it doesn't drag towards the end. The acting is hit or miss. At times Rob Freeman shines in the lead role but he just as soon follows it up and feels like a soap opera actor is delivering the lines. Prince David Oseia who co-stars as Daniel is pretty good all the way through. The rest of the cast are bit players for the most part but none of them stand out in my mind for being bad. The special effects are ever important in films such as this and I have to say even when they are noticeably CGI they don't look bad at all.

The thing that really sets THE DEAD apart from other zombie movies is it's setting. The African desert is something entirely different from the malls, cities and farm houses we've come to familiarize with zombie movies. The sad part is that the landscape is sadly underutilized. This is Africa we're talking about. Where are the lions? Where are the elephants? Where are the snakes? Where is any wildlife at all??? The only animals we see throughout the movie are chickens in various villages. The film is very one-note for it's duration. The only real threat that the characters are faced with are the zombies. The heat and dehydration are mentioned but only in passing. A run in with some of the wildlife would have added a nice touch and sense of danger that is definitely very apparent within Africa.

THE DEAD is like the gifted trouble maker in a classroom. The kid that can dick around all year and still pass the class because he's smart enough but never put the effort in to really excel. This could have been a truly great horror movie with a few tweaks. As it is, it will be an entertaining albeit disappointing zombie romp through the African desert that leaves us saying "you were so close".

6.5/10

Exploitation & B-Movie Challenge - Final Days & Wrap Up

The last week or so of this challenge was a struggle. Watching all of these movies this month was a blast but I was starting to feel a little burnt out over the last few days so the number of movies watched wasn't as high as I'd like it to be to finish things out. But there was some fun to be had...

Salon Kitty... what can I say about this other than it's Tinto Brass being as trashy and ridiculous as he could be. A whole bunch of naked women and Nazis. The plot is based on true events of the Gestapo taking over a brothel and placing trained agents to do the work of the prostitutes in order to spy and gain information. It's a pretty out there film filled with show tunes and weird sex. It's actually not half bad though and was definitely entertaining.

Next up was a movie from a director I'm a big fan of... Suspected Death Of A Minor (or Suspicious...) directed by Sergio Martino. This is a poliziotteschi filled with goofball humor. This isn't the best or most exciting  example of Euro-crime but it's well made and acted and is worth a watch if you're a fan of the genre or Martino. Solid.

Then came Schoolgirl Report #8: What Parents Must Never Know. I reviewed the DVD in my last entry and if you haven't read it, you can do so HERE

I watched 4 documentaries this month on various sorts of exploitation films and I think this one might be my favorite. Not Quite Hollywood focuses on Ozploitation films that you may or may not know about. It definitely opened my eyes to some new stuff I will be checking out in the future. If you haven't seen it and don't know too much about the Aussie exports of B-Movie goodness go find this and watch it. Extremely informative and entertaining. It's also the first time I've seen Quentin Tarantino do an interview and think he didn't do the WHOLE bag of cocaine, ha!

A few beers later I threw on Death Wish 4: The Crackdown. This is the 2nd to last entry in the series and I have to say, my least favorite of the first 4. It wasn't bad, but the quality certainly took a dive, largely in part due to this being the first entry that Michael Winner didn't direct. It had enough Bronson badassery but felt cheaper and blander.

And the month gets finished off with another film from Norifumi Suzuki (School of the Holy Beast). I really wanted to make sure I got to watch this during the month, and I'm pretty pleased with it being my last viewing of the challenge. Sex & Fury stars Reiko Ike and co-stars the incredibly gorgeous Christina Lindberg. This is a twisting tale of criminals and spies and sex and murder. The story is a bit slow through the middle but Suzuki's great direction and the sex and fury more than make up for it. There are some more incredible shots here that rival some of those in School of the Holy Beast. Entertaining and well made.


The Wrap Up 
April is a rather blah month most of the time. Allergies begin to wreck lives, the weather is all over the place, nothing exciting happens, taxes taxes taxes and you are just close enough to summer vacations and beach beers to get bummed when you realize they're still a couple of months away. This challenge which is organized and run through DVDtalk.com is now wrapping up it's 3rd year and this is my first actively participating. It is a full 6 months away from their horror challenge so that they don't interfere with each other and it is a welcome event in a nerd such as I's schedule. While the end of this challenge and I didn't have the best time together with getting burnt out on movie watching, this was a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to next year. 

The Stats
Challenge Length: 31 days
Total Films Watched: 65- No goal set but a respectable total I think. I'd like to try and not get burned out towards the end next year.
1st Time Viewings: 61 - About 94% new viewings, success!
Best Movie Watched: Lone Wolf And Cub 4: Baby Cart In Peril - Just pure greatness. I'm taking a short break from the series until I finish it so I don't water them down with each other.
Worst Movie Watched: Slaughter Party - Not only the worst of this challenge but on of the worst I've ever seen. How does Troma release so much bullshit?
Biggest Surprise: Bells Of Death - This was a total cheapie blind buy about a week before the challenge began. I got it to use in the challenge and hoped for the best. It was a big surprise how much I liked it.
Biggest Disappointment: Between God, The Devil, And A Winchester - I think I mentioned how long I'd been wanting to see this one and how much I love the title. It was such a bummer when it wasn't great, or even very good.
Average Rating: I totally forgot to keep track of my scores for each film and it wouldn't work trying to give them a score now. Whoops.

Schoolgirl Report # 8: What Parents Must Never Know DVD Review

Germany/1974
Directed By: Ernst Hofbauer
Written By: Gunther Heller
Starring: Wolf Ackva, Puppa Armbruster, Sandra Atia, Astrid Boner
Color/87 Minutes/Not Rated



The Film
The 1970s were a beautiful time for all sorts of cinema. It seems that every type of movie you could think of was able to make money and get played in theaters. There were countless theaters that carried adult films of both the XXX and softcore varieties. You'll be hard pressed to find a theater like that today. During that decade a series of films came out of Germany called Schoolgirl Report. These films were based on a book featuring interviews with girls about their sex lives. These films had traces of elements of more "legitimate" sex-education films but audiences flocked to the theaters for their essentially purely exploitative nature.

An all girls class is on a bus heading for a rural farm for a field trip to learn about Biology. These girls, who are almost all very promiscuous, share their various romps with each other that we get to see through glorious flashbacks. From a girl seducing her family's gardener and a girl hiding her pregnancy from her powerful father to girls losing their clothes while skinny dipping and another having to sleep with her father's boss to help him keep his job. There is little left to the imagination with the girls who are gorgeous. SCHOOLGIRL REPORT #8 has a hefty dose of comedy as well that works well with the stories and can be genuinely funny at times. If you're among the crowd that can be entertained by softcore porn and appreciate a good story with your naked ladies than you will find plenty to enjoy here.

The Picture
SCHOOLGIRL REPORT #8 is presented in an anamorphic widescreen 1.66:1 ratio and looks good. There are times, mostly early on in the film where there is speckling or dirt and debris however it doesn't distract from the film. The healthy grain level transports us back to the days when this would be playing in a theater with a real film print and a real projectionist. The dirt and debris actually serves to remind us of those days and aren't a problem. The Impulse Pictures line from Synapse Films has done a nice job with this release.

The Audio
The audio track is clear and free of any annoying hiss or crackling. A single track in the film's native German is offered up with removable English subtitles. A very suitable track for the film.

The Extras
The disc is rather bare bones with no actual extra features to speak of. The subtitles are newly translated and read quite well.

The Bottom Line
Impulse Pictures continues their release of this German sexploitation series with another stand up release that exploitation nuts will enjoy. While it would be nice to have some extra features on this disc we must ask ourselves- Are we really watching SCHOOLGIRL REPORT for the extra features? No, we're not. It's great to have someone as loving and capable as Impulse Pictures to bless us with these movies.

SCHOOLGIRL REPORT #8: WHAT PARENTS MUST NEVER KNOW is available HERE

Disc Overview 
Film - 8/10
Picture - 7/10
Audio - 8/10

Exploitation/B-Movie Challenge Day 22-24

Day 22 was spent totally out of the house hanging out with friends. It was a much needed day off from the murder, rape, cowboys and samurai that have filled the month.



Over the next 2 days I got back on track with 4 movies. The first of which was something I felt was necessary for the challenge and one I hadn't visited in a while. Fight For Your Life is a true piece of exploitation culture. Racism and violence run rampant and even the protagonists have a little bit of hatred in them. No one is free of hate's grip. This film will sit with you long after you're finished watching it. A truly great film, with a fantastic performance from William Sanderson.



I'd never seen a Death Wish sequel prior to this challenge. I actually haven't seen the first one in a long time either and I don't own it... I need to get on that. The triple pack with DW 2-4 had been awaiting me to bust in to it and I finally did. Death Wish 2 was just a pure tale of revenge. You fuck with Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) and he'll fuck you harder. A few familiar faces among the crowd too. As violent and vengeful as you'd expect.



Death Wish 3 was a bit more over the top with Bronson's Kersey character being a vigilante for an entire slum neighborhood. I love movies about "protectin ya hood" from the crime and grime that the cops will have no part of controlling. This is never dull and full of the same violence and bloodshed (though a bit cheesier in it's delivery). A few more familiar faces among the crowd here that are fun to pick out.



Finally I needed a change from watching Charles Bronson and needed something more attractive so I went with Private Duty Nurses from the Corman Nurses Collection DVD. It was a time waster before bed. There are attractive ladies but other than that it was fairly boring for the most part. Typical of the other 2 movies I've watched this month from the DVD set it involves a few young nurses getting involved in various situations inside and outside of the hospital. This is my least favorite of the set so far.

Exploitation/B-Movie Challenge Day 20-21

The twentieth day of the challenge was reserved for a pair of Spaghetti Westerns I've wanted to see for a long time but never got around to them. They are both considered classics in the genre and are voted in the top 20 of the genre on the SW Database website.



First up is The Big Gundown. To put it simply this is great stuff, and deserving of it's place among the likes of The Man With No Name Trilogy and Django. Starring a couple staples of the genre in Lee Van Cleef and Tomas Milian in a great game of cat and mouse. Violence and a dash of comedy are handled with precision by writers Sergio Donatio and Sergio Sollima (who directed as well). The last 20 minutes of this are brilliant. Any fan of the genre will appreciate this one.



Run Man, Run was next and is a sequel to TBG. This one focuses on Tomas Milian's character and is a bit more heavy handed with the comedy bits which I feel doesn't work quite as well. That said, this one is also deserving of it's spot on the SWDB spot as the 20th best film in the genre, which is no joke. Directed again by Sergio Sollima the story flows fine and there is plenty of gunplay and fun. More good stuff.



The next day was 4/20. I didn't get in anything related to smoking weed, I did get in something to go along with Hitler's birthday. Ilsa, Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks. While technically not a nazisploitation film, Ilsa was a Nazi and is now working with middle eastern baddies. This movie is ridiculous. It's a little longer than need be but there is some incredibly over the top stuff going on. A big man being held prisoner has to fight two women who proceed to each grab a nut and rip it off. Ilsa tortures a woman with a vibrator weapon until her stomach explodes... CLIMAX! If you're into trashy, over the top sex and violence than this is for you.