Lord Of Tears

Recently I was approached by a filmmaker about his soon to be released horror film that is in post production but needs some funding help to finish up the soundtrack and other loose ends. After only a brief discussion with Lawrie Brewster I was immediately aware of his passion for not only his project but creating horror and art on a broader level. And rest assured, this is not a backyard production looking for help so they can burn DVD-Rs on their computer in the basement. No, this is a project filled with talented people that has a gorgeous look to it as is evident in the trailer. The trailer alone is a triumph and is among the most interesting and terrifying I've seen for any horror film in recent memory. This film needs a little bit of help to wrap things up, and I for one had no reservations about posting this to try and spread the word on LORD OF TEARS as I am extremely anxious to check out the final cut. Below is some information and links about the film, thanks for reading.

Links
KICKSTARTER
TRAILER
FACEBOOK
IMDB

Prison (1988)

 Before he was a king named Aragorn in The Lord Of The Rings and before becoming one of David Cronenberg's best go-to actors Viggo Mortensen was a young inmate in Wyoming State Penitentiary named Burke, one of 300 inmates being transferred to the recently reopened prison a couple decades after it was shut down. The prison is in complete disrepair with flooded levels, electrical problems and a decaying interior. Burke rooms with an elderly inmate named Cresus who has been in the system longer than Burke has been alive. The nasty Warden Eaton Sharpe (Lane Smith) assigns the inmates jobs to help fix up the prison and Burke is assigned to knock down a false concrete wall to allow access to the execution chamber. As soon as the wall is breached a powerful force of light blasts through and begins to wreak havoc on everyone inside the walls of the prison.

Katherine Walker is a state worker in charge of overseeing the day to day operations at the prison and making any necessary reports. As she investigates the Warden's shady operations, and all of the strange and violent deaths that are starting to pile up she discovers that one of the inmates helped the Warden cover up a murder decades earlier and pinned the blame on a fellow inmate named Charlie Forsythe, who bares a striking resemblance to Burke. It quickly becomes apparent that the killings will not cease until the spirit of Forsythe gets his revenge on the man responsible for his death.

PRISON has been overlooked for a long time, probably due to its lack of DVD release in the US until very recently. Director Renny Harlin (Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Die Hard 2) gets better performances out his cast, which includes supporting roles from Tommy "Tiny" Lister and Kane Hodder, than I could have expected. Mortensen plays his character with a single note but it works well and Lane Smith is great as Warden Sharpe. The writing is a mess with the Forsythe/Burke angle though. Is Burke the reincarnated spirit of Forsythe? If he is, why wouldn't he just take out the Warden with one of his multiple opportunities. Was he the son or some sort of relative to Forsythe and has strong genes tied with him, explaining the resemblance? I don't know. It's never explained and for a moment that is supposed to drop us on our heads and be the twist to the movie it is handled poorly.

Luckily it is an unnecessary twist to begin with. Whether Burke is or isn't Forsythe reincarnated or whether he has anything to do at all with him really doesn't matter. He's a likable guy that you can relate to and you want him to survive. The kills are simply brutal and filled with blood and gore. The special effects were very effective for the gore pieces. The film was shot on location in an old Wyoming prison and it lends to an authentic feeling for the film that manages to be ridiculously entertaining despite some glaring flaws.

7.5/10

Phantom Of Death (1988)

A female doctor is brutally murdered and the killer is on the loose. Robert Dominici (Michael York) is a successful piano player in love with 2 beautiful women, Susanna and Helene (Edwige Fenech). After Susanna is killed the detective on the case Inspector Datti (Donald Pleasance) begins to suspect Robert. Datti's suspicions run into road blocks over the course of the case that draw the attention away from Robert. After Susanna's death Helene comes onto Robert and he gives in to her temptations, impregnating her in the process. Robert soon learns of a rare disease he has had since childhood that was laying dormant until now and his body begins to rapidly age and his mind and sanity begin to decline. As the bodies pile up and the killer is playing cat and mouse games with the inspector it is only a matter of time before Helene is put in fatal danger and Datti's clues finally come together to solve the case, but is it in time?

Ruggero Deodato (Cannibal Holocaust) directs this giallo that has trouble deciding exactly what style it wants to portray. On one hand the first half hour or so are very much a body count slasher film, filled with blood. The rest is driven by the characters, namely the relationship between Robert and Helene, who longs for him to return to her and become ready to be a father, and Robert and the inspector who has his eye on the pianist. The relationship between Robert and Helene is held together just enough by a few sparse scenes of Helene watching videos of Robert's performances or talking to friend's about her love of him. Datti's suspicions of Robert are fueled by phone calls from the killer taunting him, almost begging to be caught despite the clues leading away from Robert. The interactions between the three leads are interesting it is just a shame there isn't more to them and it feels like we've only scratched the surface on a much bigger picture that lies beneath. The timeline of this movie takes course over a year, the sloppy editing does no favors to this fact and only Robert's declining health and his outward statement to the timeline helps us determine it. Well known and respected composer Pino Donaggio (Carrie,  delivers a largely unremarkable score which is a major let down after seeing his name in the credits and expecting something better.

The alternate title to this film is OFF BALANCE which fits it to a T. Not only is our main character off balance but so is the film itself. An intriguing story is marred by not going far enough in to it and poor editing and weak music. I even felt a bit off balance while gathering my thoughts on PHANTOM OF DEATH, despite the issues within the film, I liked it, but it was hard to determine right away just how much. I feel confident in my thoughts now that it could have used an extra 15-20 minutes so that the violence wasn't so rushed toward the beginning and we could dig deeper into the relationships so that they have more consequence when they finally payoff.

The story is good, but we don't get enough. The violence is extreme but it feels separated from the rest of the movie. Yes dear reader, this film is indeed OFF BALANCE. It is worth checking out though.

6/10

The ABCs Of Death (2012)

Anthologies have long been a part of horror and there have been many fantastic films comprised of multiple short films under a single banner. Creepshow, Vault Of Horror, Tales From The Crypt, Tales That Witness Madness, the list goes on and on. During the 90s the horror anthology seemed to fall out of vogue but over the past several years they seem to be regaining their popularity.

THE ABCs OF DEATH is a 26 part horror film with a different director being assigned to a specific letter of the alphabet to represent different ways to die. Each segment runs anywhere from less than two minutes to several minutes. Directors include Ti West, Angela Bettis, Jason Eisener, and Xavier Gens among other contemporary horror film makers working on just a $5,000 budget for each segment. The segments range from the very gory XXL, to the experimental ORGASM and the animated TOILET and KLUTZ. Segments such as GRAVITY are extremely minimal while VAGITUS looks like it spent several times its budget.

The project seemed like it would be a fun romp filled with ridiculous horror but it simply is not. The best segments barely get a rise of positive emotion out of the viewer and the worst seem to drag on far beyond their short runtime. Many of the directors tried to cram too much of an idea into their allotted time but when the idea wasn't good to begin with it turns into really stinky garbage. There is already a sequel in the works so maybe that one will be better but THE ABCs OF DEATH is a waste of time.

2/10

Same Time Every Year (DVD review)

USA/1981
Directed By: Fred J. Lincoln
Written By: Fred J. Lincoln
Starring: Ron Jeremy, Loni Sanders, Paul Thomas
Color/80 Minutes/Not Rated

The Film
A group of lawyers leave their wives to get together every year for a convention that doesn't exist. The lawyers are simply out for a good time away from their wives and getting laid. Unbeknownst to them their wives aren't as stupid as they think and privy to their scheme and have affairs of their own.

That's about it for the plot. A young (and not fat) Ron Jeremy is the chauffeur for the lawyers and he gets some action of his own. With tons of sex and little else, SAME TIME EVERY YEAR doesn't offer much in the way of creativity but it does loads and loads (pun fully intended) of bodily fluid and skin.

The Video
SAME TIME EVERY YEAR has a pretty good looking anamorphic widescreen transfer taken from a source that was in good condition. There is some natural grain and minor speckling and dirt and debris. Colors are represented pretty nicely and aside from a couple of stutters in the frame there is little to complain about.

The Audio
The audio also fares well. The suitably 80s soundtrack comes across clean and clear with no real issues with hissing or popping. The mix is pretty good with a select few instances where dialogue is muddled a bit by a higher soundtrack. 

The Extras
Barebones.

The Bottom Line
There isn't a ton to say about this one, it is an early 80s porno with almost no plot. If you like vintage porn you'll enjoy it. This falls nicely in place in the Impulse Pictures catalog.

SAME TIME EVERY YEAR is available HERE

The State of Horror Conventions in 2013

Excuse me while I let loose for a moment...

Horror conventions, and pop culture conventions in general, have long been a way for fans of a specific hobby to meet the celebrities whose work they adore, find cool, one of a kind or generally hard to find merch, and connect with like-minded people. These conventions have become a worldwide phenomenon. Ask anybody on the street if they've heard of San Diego Comic Con and I'll wager a bet that 3/4 of them have. That event is undoubtedly the biggest pop culture show in North America and the annual show is covered by major news outlets. The biggest names appear for a chance to meet, promote and often just have a good time like the rest of us. Tickets sell out months in advance and for four days San Diego is the center of not only every nerd's dreamland but many people who only have a passing interest in comics, horror, sci-fi, etc...

On a smaller scale, there is the horror convention, a weekend long show usually taking place in a hotel and featuring meet and greets with cast and crew members of films, author readings, film screenings, and dealer rooms that can get you to blow a year's salary in an hour. These shows are typically more regional, with each major city seemingly having its own show but for better or worse they're usually a blast in spite of extreme levels of competition just an hour away and commonly only weeks apart. You pay your $20-25 which allows you access to all parts of the show and hopefully you've brought a wad of cash besides that if you want to get some autographs or buy some shirts, DVDs or posters and toys. These things aren't cheap. I've known fans that save all year to attend a single show. As fans that attend these things anxiously await the promoter to announce the next guest, the next film screening update, any special deals or events. Social networking sites like Facebook have made it easy to keep up with this and even suggest (more often beg) for a certain person to be added to the show. The fan has a voice, and in this day and age, a face to go with it, when asking a promote to add someone special. In the months leading up to the show the promote announces names, hopefully in enough time for you to purchase your original Turkish Maniac Cop poster or whatever it is you want signed if the 8x10 at the table isn't your style. The weekend arrives, road trip. Whether it is around the corner or 3 hours in a hurricane, I've done both and the trip is always filled with excitement and an anxious feeling. You check in to the hotel if you're staying overnight or you just check in for your wristband and then a day or a weekend full of nerding out is ahead of you. And I hope you brought a wad of cash.

Horror conventions have been a huge thing for fans for as long as I've been alive. Fangoria brought Lucio Fulci to the states just months before his death to allow fans a once in a lifetime chance to meet the Italian gore slinger. It isn't unheard of to meet someone at these shows that has stood in line for upwards of 8 hours to meet names such as Bruce Campbell or Robert Englund. The fans are dedicated and without them the show fails. I went to my first convention in March of 2007, Horrorfind Weekend. It was finally time for a lifelong horror fan to make it to a convention. There was a Hellraiser reunion, among many other actors and directors in attendance that weekend and I had a blast. Horrorfind is a smaller convention, starting in the suburbs of Baltimore and currently residing in Gettysburg, PA. Back then Horrorfind ran 2 shows a year with August being their main show and March being smaller. I was hooked. I had a great time talking to various actors and scoring cool stuff in the dealer's room. I went back in August. And I've been to a bunch of conventions since and I've seen the landscape of these things change quite a bit.

It is now 2013, almost 6 years after my first convention and disenchantment is starting to rear its head. Conventions have, probably inevitably, turned into giant money making schemes. Of course, the idea of the show's promoter was always to make money, as well as the dealer charging for their wares, and the celebrity charging for their signature. That is how the world works and I have no problem with it. It just seemed more genuine back then. Don't get me wrong the celebrities who were genuine still are. Most of these people realize they aren't "A-list" and aren't being followed by paparazzi. There isn't a lot of ego there. Many of them have a lot of fun at these things but the business side of things has gotten out of hand. And really, only fans are to blame. Back when I started going to these things the standard was $20 for a signature, perhaps cheaper if you brought your own item to be signed and don't use one of their 8x10 pictures. Some people would sign multiple items for that price. Included in that price would be a picture with the guest. It was more than that however, it was a chance to talk and connect with these people whose work we so deeply admire. Many are genuinely interested in connecting and talking with fans and it was great. The $20 was a small price to pay. These days prices have jumped significantly. You may still find the $20 guest but prices are closer to $30 now and as each convention comes and goes the number of guests charging an additional $5 or $10 for a picture ON YOUR CAMERA is climbing. The days of discounting the price for signing your item are long gone.

This has happened as horror themed programs have hit it huge on TV. True Blood, Vampire Diaries, and The Walking Dead are huge hit series with many cast members from each becoming regulars on teh convention circuit. Walking Dead guests have climbed in price with each cnovention since the series began and they're up to a staggering amount. Many are now charging $30 for a posed photo alone! This is essentially a cattle call where you're ushered through, stand next to the person while they look like a cardboard cutout and wait for your photo to print. Professional? Debatable. Annoying? Yes. But again, only the fans are to blame. If fans keep shelling out $20, 30, 40, 50 for a signature and decide that another $30 for a shitty photo are worth it? More power to them. I won't pay it. Give me a picture with them at their table and a conversation and a memory. It is becoming more of a headache to be a convention goer than it is worth, and its bullshit. These things were always supposed to be for the fans. There will always be money to be made but I'm sorry charging $200 for a VIP ticket to meet a character from The Walking Dead is bullshit. Charging $300 for a ticket to meet Princess Leia is bullshit. Charging $30 for a fucking professional photo-op with anyone that is already charging that much for write their name on something is fucking bullshit. Is Michael Rooker really worth $40 or $50 just because he's now a cast member of The Walking Dead when just a year or two ago he was half that? Is some actress that has been in nothing notable really worth $50 or a $200 VIP ticket just because she's Michonne in The Walking Dead? Or some asshat that was in True Blood... is he worth $40? Plus the cost of a photo?

Come on. This shit is getting out of hand. Can we please go back to the days where we at least felt good about handing over our cash for these things? Yea, overall they're still fun but the cost is getting prohibitive. When will conventions outprice themselves so that nobody can attend? When are they going to make us bend over before we leave the show to stick their collective dick in our ass because of how hard we're getting fucked. But like I said, if the fans pay it, they'll charge it. I hope a return to the good old days isn't too far off.

Serena: An Adult Fairy Tale (DVD review)

USA/1979
Directed By: Fred J. Lincoln
Written by: Daniel Webster
Starring: Serena, China Leigh, Jamie Gillis
Color/69 Minutes/Not Rated

The Film
I've never reviewed a porno before but I guess there is a first time for everything.

Cindy's stepfather has sold her in to prostitution and her new master forces her to cook, clean and perform all sorts of sexual acts. You know, just the normal household chores. Cindy dreams of a naked woman that helps her out and has sex with her. Cindy's master informs her that they will be throwing a party for the prince and Cindy has to help prepare. That includes more of the same chores and bathing a few of her master's closest friends. Cindy's dream girl visits her that she can "fuck and suck" all she wants at the party but has to be home by midnight. The prince takes a liking to Serena at the party and spends his time having sex with her while the rest of the party has an orgy. At midnight Serena has to go, leaving the prince with one of her high heeled shoes, which he finds fits her the next morning. "And they lived happily ever after".

I was expecting this to be an edgier softcore, but it didn't take long to realize that this was a full fledged fuckfest. I have no problems with porn, and find it, especially in the era SERENA was made, to be a totally valid art form. This was made in the days when porn had heart and soul and wasn't mindless fucking with some plastic broad. The story, as you can tell, is a spoof of Cinderella and it works. The sex is definitely the star of the show and its pretty standard porno sex. There is nothing here that will ahem... blow your mind but if this is your type of thing or you're looking for some adult entertainment that is different than the majority of the shit you're looking at on the internet SERENA: AN ADULT FAIRY TALE is worth a look.

The Video
The full screen 1.33:1 transfer shows its age with a print full of grain, debris and wear. Colors are still solid despite this not being a gorgeous transfer.  A few wobbles in the picture also occur. This is not a terrible presentation despite that it was obviously not stored in ideal conditions over the years and probably doesn't look to different than it did back in XXX theaters of the 70s and 80.

The Audio
As far as the audio goes, we get a serviceable 2 channel track. There is a low but consistent buzz throughout most of the film but it isn't overly distracting. Dialogue and all of the moans and groans are clear and with a steady level. There are a few other instances of popping and crackling.

The Extras
Bare bones.

The Bottom Line
Impulse Pictures gives SERENA: AN ADULT FAIRY TALE a respectable and rather unexpected DVD release that will please vintage porno fans while giving any curious viewers a chance to see it.

SERENA: AN ADULT FAIRY TALE is available HERE