Undead (2003)

I've been hearing mixed things about this movie since it came out. Some say it is a fresh and entertaining take on zombies while others say it was a steaming pile of dog shit. I finally got the chance to see it for free and took it.

The Spierig Bros wrote, produced and directed this horror comedy film in their native Australia. They are also the duo behind this year's Daybreakers, which was a successful and pretty entertaining horror thriller about vampires. Unfortunately Undead, which was the duo's first feature film, didn't have the same quality.

The basic plot of Undead isn't all that uncommon for zombie movies, some meteorites fall and turn the town's inhabitants into blood thirsty zombies. The core group is filled with most of the cliches... the gun nut who happened to be abducted by these aliens and let go for whatever reason, the beauty queen, the scared comic relief guy, and so on. Not only is there zombies to deal with but acid rain, contaminated water and food, all the problems one would encounter in a zombie outbreak. Eventually they learn the virus is also air born and they are slowly being infected.

There is the plot in a nutshell. There is plenty of other stupid shit, hooded glowing aliens that look like shittier versions of those from Independence Day and they try to be funny when they talk. For whatever reason when the people die the aliens suspend them in the clouds? Which of course ends up screwing up one of the group when he tries to escape in a plane.

I don't have a whole lot to say about the movie in general. It was bad. Really bad. It was slow and dragged on even though it was under 100 minutes. It was full of face palm moments, misplaced comedy that wasn't even timed well, and moments that just piss you off watching it. One example of that would be when one of the group empties an entire handgun clip into a severed arm because the timer on the watch starts beeping but minutes later, when they're actually under attack they are telling each other to conserve bullets. The actual film making wasn't any better. The direction was amateur, more than likely a result of this being the first feature for the two directors, but it was bad. The writing made me want to cry, and the effects weren't believable. It didn't even have a nice pair of boobs to stare at, which has been a saving grace for countless horror movies.

It wasn't bad in a way that can be entertaining while you're drunk, it just gets under your skin like a little sibling that won't stop poking you. Or when you bite your tongue and it swells up a little bit so you keep on biting it. Or stubbing your toe. Or poking yourself in the eye.

In fact, I'd rather have any of those than to watch this movie again. This movie may be the first time I've ever said "fuck you" at the screen repeatedly as soon as the credits rolled. Yea, it was that bad.

Also, I'm not wasting my time to put up a poster from this movie because it doesn't deserve the effort.

I'd rather be (Un)dead/10