Kung Fu: Punch Of Death - Grindhouse Experience vol. 10

I will say that I'm sorry that it took this long to get to the next entry of this series. At this point you've probably figured out that the set is broken down into "double features" and I simply was not in the mood for an Italian gangster film. God forbid I skipped one because I needed some guaranteed fun in my life. And how can a title like Punch Of Death not be fun?

I'll never quite figure out how this boxset came to be. There is no way one single man masterminded the whole thing. The movies, the transfers, the dubs, the packaging. This had to a team hellbent on shoddy transfers and shit releases. The Prodigal Boxer aka Kung Fu: Punch Of Death is another okay film subjected to this set. Punch Of Death is a Kung-Fu film based on a pretty typical story of one man having to avenge another's demise. And that is really putting much more into the film than is actually there. It really is that simple.

There is plenty of action here, enough to keep me well entertained while enjoying some brews. It even replicates the attitude of a solid spaghetti western at times during the story which aids it along because the story on it's own is thin and pleading for anything entertaining. This movie is for any fan of classic Shaw Brothers material but it never does get to their level. This is a movie to watch on a boring Friday night with some beers.

5/10

Infini-Tropolis

Hello readers, this is a short entry to let you know that a few reviews of mine are up on www.infini-tropolis.com Infini is a great cult/horror film site that any reader of this blog would be a huge fan of. It is free of internet douchebags, it has great reviews and features and a message board full of cult fanatics that are sure to have you thrilled with all sorts of new material you need to check out.

Infini-Tropolis also has a Facebook page that you should like and follow.


There you have it. A life changing website that has been handed to you on a silver platter... Go and contribute!

Case 39 (2009)

I tried to settle down on this one a little by sleeping on it. Please believe me in saying that I really did try.

Emily Jenkins (Renee Zellweger) is a state social worker just assigned with a new case (you guessed it, her 39th) on Lily Sullivan who is showing signs of neglect. After an uncomfortable visit with Lily and her parents, Emily takes up an interest in Lily and after receiving a disturbing phone call Emily rushes over with her detective friend Mike (Ian McShane) to discover Lily is in the process of being burned alive by her parents in the oven. Lily is freed, her parents institutionalized, and Emily petitions for custody of the child until a permanent foster home is found for her. Not soon after, it becomes clear that Lily isn't the sweet innocent child she seems to be.

CASE 39 is a movie that you watch and think "I'd rather have stepped in a pile of dog shit". Seriously. We are supposed to be terrified of this little girl who can basically make you hallucinate your fears and drive you mad until you kill yourself and plant murderous thoughts in your head and is just all around evil. The movie could have been over well before Emily ever took custody of her had Lily's parents just shot her or cut her throat or anything less dramatic than throwing her in the fucking oven. The characters are so painfully paper thin that we don't care how they meet their end whether it be stabbing themselves in the eye with a fork(when did we start giving metal forks and steak knives to violent crazies inside the hopsital!?), or being chased by bees (in a scene that makes Nic Cage from The Wicker Man remake look good) and killing yourself in the bathroom it just doesn't matter. The acting is wooden and the editing awkward and choppy. And fuck the pacing of this movie. 109 minutes. 109 minutes of staring at Renee Zellweger's scrunched up "I can't fucking act so I'll just be ugly to cover it up" face is too much to handle. She ruins just about every movie she's in and while this one wouldn't have been saved by someone else, at least they wouldn't have been Renee fucking Zellweger.

CASE 39 was filmed in 2006 and sat on the shelf in almost every country it was released in until 2009, the USA waited with overflowing anticipation until October of 2010. And boy, what a treat we got. Demon child who is apparently really hard to kill and knows all of your thoughts but can be tricked into drinking tea with a crushed up sleeping pill in it? And then when she falls asleep from that pill you soak the whole house in gasoline EXCEPT FOR HER FUCKING BEDROOM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FUCK OFF. And don't even try to tell me that soaking her door counts. The bitch has a window.

Seriously one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

The New Kids (1985)

What do you get when you put Aunt Becky from Full House, bad 80s music, too many montages and a pack of small town high school drug dealing gang members together? THE NEW KIDS.

When Loren (Shannon Presby) and his sister Abby (Lori Loughlin) lose both of their parents in an accident they move to a small town in Florida to live with their aunt and uncle who have just purchased a run down amusement park to fix up. All seems well as the siblings help their aunt and uncle and attend their new high school until the local trouble makers, lead by Gordo, place a bet on who can go to bed with Abby first. After several unpleasant encounters which don't lead any of the hooligans to the sack and hurt their ego and light their temper the gang decides to vandalize the newly renovated amusement park and their prized Cadillac. After a few nastier and more personal encounters Loren decides to end it and beats up one of the gang in the school parking lot to cheers of his friends and classmates. It is this moment that causes Gordo to go over the edge and want blood. Abby is kidnapped during a school dance and tortured by the gang until the final bloody showdown inside of the amusement park's walls.

Director Sean S. Cunningham, best known for popularizing the slasher film with 1980's Friday The 13th, gives us a somewhat nasty thriller that is really a story of two halves. The first half is a decent set up but we are required to really believe that these redneck teenagers are some major threat to the town and are dangerous without seeing to much to make us believe that at all. Five or six hick kids with shotguns in the back of a pickup truck just shooting into the air isn't all that frightening. Eventually we get to see their nastier side before the finale which was an important save. The soundtrack is as 80s as it gets, and not in a good way. Every time there is a montage, and there are plenty, we get a song that really really wishes it was in any better 80s movie. When we aren't being treated to such soothing songs of empowerment and triumph we get to listen to an ill-fitting score. The thing that keeps THE NEW KIDS from being more of a stand out 80s movie is the weak first half and that it feels like a movie wanting to be an 80s movie.

For all of its flaws and the fact that it is certainly dated THE NEW KIDS succeeds moderately as a revenge thriller.

6/10

Beyond The Darkness (Buio Omega) (1979)

If you are at all familiar with sleazy Italian horror you have probably at least heard of BEYOND THE DARKNESS and Joe D'Amato. Quite possibly the most notorious film from the infamous director. The Italian title, BUIO OMEGA, should be a staple in any horror/exploitation fan's collection.

Francesco is a mortician and taxidermist who has just lost his lover, Anna. After her death and funeral Frank can't stand the pain and turns to extreme measures of preserving and stuffing his partner to keep her in his large estate. The groundskeeper Iris has been with the family for many years and has watched Frank grow up and is there to comfort him in a way that will make almost anyone squirm in their seat. As the heated relationship between Francesco and Iris builds so does the body count to keep Frank's secret just that. Anyone that enters the house is prone to Francesco's ever-growing madness to keep him and his true lover together. As the bodies pile up so does the tension with Iris after she makes a proposition to continue to help Frank if he marries her. Eventually the odd couple snap at each other and resort to violence that looks like a cross between jungle animals and lovers that have a truly fucked up sense of the word "love".

Joe D'Amato is well known for being one of the main catalyst's of creating the Italian horror genre and keeping it as sleazy as humanly possible. This wasn't hard for a man who would go on to make porn of both the soft and hardcore variety. D'Amato was never shy of getting nearly every woman that would appear on screen to peel her clothes off for no reason at all. He also amped up the gore to nearly Fulci-like levels. BEYOND THE DARKNESS features everything from slasher film violence to necrophilia to cannibalism. And more. It is one of the gross out, scary films that is a blast to watch over and over.

It had been quite a while since I last watched this movie, mainly due in part to Media Blasters delaying the Blu Ray for a full year, but it was worth the wait. In all reality this movie looks as good as it possibly could. A low budget, low production horror movie from Italy in the 70s, this Blu Ray has its rough spots but certainly looks considerably sharper and clearer than it's DVD counterpart.

With a standout score from the exceptional Goblin this very well may be Joe D'Amato's finest achievement. The man that wasn't opposed to excess of any sort wins with a movie full of excess of all sorts.

8.5/10

Made For TV Horror - Where Have You Gone?

What has happened to made-for-TV horror movies? Back in the 70s and 80s and even into the 90s we got some real quality horror movies that were made for TV. The 70s gave us the great Salem's Lot, an adaptation of a vampire story by Stephen King. Gargoyles, featuring effects from the late, great Stan Winston and you'd find a quality movie Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark and The Night Stalker. The 1980s gave us Dark Night Of The Scarecrow, which old and new fans alike have been able to discover or re-discover on DVD since it was released a couple years ago. It even has a scheduled Blu Ray.



You may be thinking of movies that you're pissed I didn't list but that isn't the point. There are plenty of websites to see a list of good (and bad) made-for-TV horror movies. The point is asking what the hell happened to them. Sure even in their heyday they weren't all good, and some were down right awful (I'm looking at you Devil Dog: Hound of Hell) but the level of film making was obviously miles above any sort of made-for-TV fare we get today, which seems to be limited to SyFy channel originals. Now, those SyFy originals aren't all bad, if you enjoy a few beers... or a 12 pack they can be cheap fun... some of them. The fact is that is about all we have anymore for TV horror and most of them are headache inducing shit fests. Even the next closest thing, Direct-To-Video, has gone to shit. That is another discussion for another day though.

It just seems that TV has completely been disregarded as a legitimate means of breaking a new director or getting your script into production. When is the last time we have seen a tried and true director like Dan Curtis (1973's Dracula) get to make a movie for TV? I know there are scripts lying around, wasting away, that would be successful on the smaller screen. And where would Steven Spielberg be without his 1971 picture Duel.



It isn't like there is a shortage of channels that are dedicated to horror or make horror a large part of their programming. FearNet, Chiller, and the aforementioned SyFy. Maybe SyFy is the answer to bringing back this lost love, but not in their current form. Maybe if they put more emphasis on quality in simplicity instead of making a giant monster movie on a soap opera budget. Maybe. Hell, many of the best made-for-TV horror movies played on network stations like ABC. Is it the times? Is it that people are so uptight and worried that it may spoil their child's fragile little mind that no station wants to play it? Is there no money to made from advertising and ratings? I'm sure it is a combination of all of that.

There are so many great movies that never made it into a theater that wouldn't go unnoticed because of the made-for-TV movie. It is really a shame that the style is pretty close to dying currently. Sure every few years we get something, and recently we had the Masters of Horror series which divulged into Fear Itself but that was so toned down for network TV that no one cared. Other than that there seems to be nothing, and not much desire to bring it back. That's a shame.

Death Carries A Cane (1973)

How can one giallo fit in every calling card of the genre and drive them into the ground so that you're so aware of the type of film you're watching that it borders on no longer being enjoyable? I'm not exactly sure but director Maurizio Pradeaux manages to get damn close to doing just that in DEATH CARRIES A CANE.

Kitty (Susan Scott, All The Colors Of The Dark, Adios Sabata) is thrown head first in to a murder mystery when she accidentally witnesses a murder threw a park's coin operated viewfinder. After her fiancee is suspected of the original murder and subsequent killing of other witnesses, Kitty clears his name but they are thrown even deeper in to the madness which now surrounds everyone close to them. As the body count piles up and the police fail to capture the killer with their bag of tricks Kitty comes face to face with the killer who has separated her from her lover and sister.

DEATH CARRIES A CANE manages to fit every trademark of the genre into the 85 minute run time. We have the classic killer wearing all black to hide their identity. More red herrings than you can shake a stick at, hell even inanimate objects become false leads here. The nudity and sex is so gratuitous that you really stop noticing it about half way through. I'd be willing to bet every woman aside from one in the movie gets naked. The problem is that these staples of the giallo are beat to death so bad that they really stopped being entertaining. Even the reveal of the killer's motive was just plain stupid.

There are some positives in DEATH CARRIES A CANE. Pradeaux has solid direction throughout, and even if the story is a bit disjointed due to the fact that it seems like it wanted to outwit itself, it does flow pretty well and pacing is fine. This would be a decent giallo had their been some more tension built around the kill scenes. What we end up with is less suspenseful than your typical teeny bopper slasher film. The score was fairly typical and sounded very familiar and I wouldn't be surprised if it was lifted from an earlier film.

A rather unremarkable film that only giallo enthusiasts need track down.

5/10